trigger warning

the following may offend heliphobes

i sexually identify as an attack helicopter

ever since i was a boy i dreamed of soaring over the oilfields dropping hot sticky loads on disgusting foreigners

people say to me that a person being a helicopter is impossible and i'm fucking retarded but i don't care, i'm beautiful.

i'm having a plastic surgeon install rotary blades, 30 mm cannons and amg-114 hellfire missiles on my body

from now on i want you guys to call me "apache" and respect my right to kill from above and kill needlessly

if you can't accept me you're a heliphobe and need to check your vehicle privilege

thank you for being so understanding

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